I’m afraid to say I only read two papers and wrote down about two lines of notes but the upshot is my brain seemed to be doing some reorganising/processing and I didn’t leave uni feeling sick and worthless like all the other times I didn’t get stuff done. That’s helpful because the avoidance is definitely coming from an emotional place…
… And I managed to have a really good psych session today which, while intense, helped me get through the “everything feels like shit”, “ADHD executive function hacks aren’t helping” part and through to reframing things with a trauma lens (I had an academically hardcore schooling experience that ended badly and this has brought up a lot more of those subsumed thought patterns than I thought).
Like physically I feel better; I feel heard and things make sense and maybe I can try something different to get through all this. Rather than go “I have no executive function to walk into a crowd of people who will torture me and then push me off a cliff. Maybe if I break it down into steps it will help” and wonder why it’s not working…
One thing I’ve decided to allow myself until I finish this is splurging on whatever I want with food. If eating lunch out daily, or getting all the smoked salmon, or getting TWO pizzas helps fill the tank, I have my full permission.
Anyway I’m going to go buy some smoked salmon now and see what goodies are available at the Nice Woolies while I’m here.
E: there was smoked salmon on CLEARANCE so it was meant to be. And I bought some vegan meat thingos and frozen fish fillets on clearance and a bag of chips and tinned sardines and my favourite brand of instant coffee. And treats for sox, which were gladly consumed.
Thanks everyone for the encouragement today!
blathering
I’m afraid to say I only read two papers and wrote down about two lines of notes but the upshot is my brain seemed to be doing some reorganising/processing and I didn’t leave uni feeling sick and worthless like all the other times I didn’t get stuff done. That’s helpful because the avoidance is definitely coming from an emotional place…
… And I managed to have a really good psych session today which, while intense, helped me get through the “everything feels like shit”, “ADHD executive function hacks aren’t helping” part and through to reframing things with a trauma lens (I had an academically hardcore schooling experience that ended badly and this has brought up a lot more of those subsumed thought patterns than I thought).
Like physically I feel better; I feel heard and things make sense and maybe I can try something different to get through all this. Rather than go “I have no executive function to walk into a crowd of people who will torture me and then push me off a cliff. Maybe if I break it down into steps it will help” and wonder why it’s not working…
One thing I’ve decided to allow myself until I finish this is splurging on whatever I want with food. If eating lunch out daily, or getting all the smoked salmon, or getting TWO pizzas helps fill the tank, I have my full permission.
Anyway I’m going to go buy some smoked salmon now and see what goodies are available at the Nice Woolies while I’m here.
E: there was smoked salmon on CLEARANCE so it was meant to be. And I bought some vegan meat thingos and frozen fish fillets on clearance and a bag of chips and tinned sardines and my favourite brand of instant coffee. And treats for sox, which were gladly consumed.
so many hugs, you’re awesome 😘