I’ve been in this weird headspace lately where life is just… strange. On the surface, everything is fine. I go to work, eat relatively healthy, try to stay on top of errands, keep things running — the usual. But underneath it all, there’s this constant feeling of dull pressure, like I’m being stretched thin by things that don’t really matter. It’s like I’m always busy, but rarely present.
Every day feels packed, but nothing sticks. I go through the motions, check off tasks, scroll a bit, eat, sleep, repeat. I end the day drained, like I ran a marathon in my head — but can’t really remember anything meaningful that happened. It’s not burnout in the dramatic sense, just this low-grade hum of tiredness and disconnection that never really turns off.
Socially, things have gotten quieter too. I barely see my friends anymore. Most of them are still into drinking and going out — stuff that used to feel exciting but now just feels… loud and repetitive. There was no big falling out. Just different rhythms now. Slower ones. And sometimes I sit with that and wonder if it’s just part of growing up, or if something deeper got lost along the way.
And then my brain starts spinning, usually late at night, when everything’s quiet. I start thinking about the future — and it honestly kind of scares me. Not in a dramatic, apocalyptic way, but in that creeping “things-are-moving-too-fast” way. AI is suddenly everywhere. Wars are happening in the background of our everyday lives. Economies feel fragile. Everything seems more unstable than it used to be, like we’re just pretending things are normal while the ground shifts under us.
And weirdly, my mind keeps drifting back to 2006. I don’t even know why exactly — maybe because it felt slower. Simpler. The internet was just fun and weird, not all-consuming. There were fewer screens, fewer existential threats in the news feed. Boredom existed, but it didn’t feel dangerous — it felt open. It felt like space to breathe. Now everything feels compressed, even rest.
I don’t think I’m depressed. I’m not miserable. But I feel… detached. Like I’m watching my life from the outside, waiting for it to feel like mine again. There’s this quiet emptiness running underneath everything, like background static. Not loud enough to break me, just enough to make everything feel slightly out of tune.
Anyone else feel like this? Have you figured out how to shake it — or at least live with it in a way that makes sense?
No I do not, life is fun. You know why? I’m on a serotonine medication
It’s the 21st century. Don’t be unhappy. Be happy. It’s better.
Build a family
I don’t live in the 21st century, I live in isolation and without medication. And I assume others in the thread are similar.
No I can’t imagine any path to even living in a different place in the US, let alone getting out. Even some of the edge cases I likely won’t ever have the connection(s) for it to be a possibility.
Depression has episodes. Which means that at some times you will feel surges of energy. It’s up to you to start doing anything you can to keep supplying your brain with serotonine then. Can do this by working out for example.
How much would a SSRI cost for you?
I’m well aware, I ride my bike on a trail (though not many destinations and heat can be an issue) and I even reorganized my room recently. Though it seems like it’s impossible to control/sustain.
For me (carless) it’s more about the distance to even picking up medication (more-so care esp not-the-closest-hospital), paperwork and appointments, time slots and waiting lists. Family is anti-doctor. Many of my issues likely won’t be helped much by standard medical options, even depression (particularly when something like a personality disorder is part of it) already seems like a coin flip.
Also with the current administration I don’t trust that if I got started I’d still have access before getting stable (plus you cannot just take a break from most brain meds w/o tapering off).
Give it a go anyways, it’s medicine. It alters your brain chemistry. For some it’s effective, for others not.
Depressed people are pessimistic because they are depressed, so everything you’re saying I’m literally just ignoring and telling you to get the help you need.
I likely have a personality disorder too, otherwise I wouldn’t be required to job hop every year. Which I completely ignore. See how that works? If I don’t want help, or even see a reason for help, then nobody can help me anyways.
Only reason my depression got treated was because I was self aware and wanted help there. The moment I had suicidal thoughts because of an episode, I just went to the doctor the next day and got medication. Been on meds for 2 years now, never better.
Psychologist said I have mild autism, but she’s probably wrong on that. But what do I know, she’s the one with a PhD and decades of work experience. I just don’t see it.
I just went to the doctor the next day and got medication
If it were that easy sure, but it doesn’t work that way here (certainly not walk-ins, phone doesn’t work for me). That was my thinking when replying to your top-level comment, that most people (in the US at least) will have more trouble getting there.
Do it anyways.
I don’t think I’m depressed. I’m not miserable. But I feel… detached. Like I’m watching my life from the outside, waiting for it to feel like mine again. There’s this quiet emptiness running underneath everything, like background static. Not loud enough to break me, just enough to make everything feel slightly out of tune.
I am sorry to say that this is exactly what depression feels like. It feels like nothing.
It isn’t a presence of misery, it’s an absence of joy. A void of emotion. The peaks and valleys become hills and ruts, the horizons dim and the colors fade.
When your emotional landscape is flat and gray, very few emotions can still paint the world a different color. Namely, anxiety. Anxiety isn’t really an emotion, it’s a complex interface between stress and thought. Anxiety taps into the same fear centers that can wake us up from a deep sleep - it’s a primal, fundamental neurological circuit that can and does break through the general malaise of depression.
This leaves you with the constant feeling of pressure. Normally, anxiety is dulled by the constant wash of normal human emotions, but when it’s the only thing you can feel… it’s rough. I’m sorry for what you’re going through.
Depression is a deep, tangled mess. There are environmental and genetic factors. Causes and treatments might be purely psychological, might not. Treatment for depression - pharmaceutical or psychological - is very often flawed but almost always better than no treatment at all.
There is no single solution, and depression tends to wane so slowly and subtly that it’ll be hard to point to when or why you started to feel better. But you will feel better. And then you may feel worse again, so make sure you keep doing things that make you feel better… even when you don’t feel bad right now.
Depression also mutes the emotions you feel from your own memories and the emotions you feel from your predictions of the future. We always live in the present. Our past and our future are just simulations running in our minds. When we’re depressed, our past and future also becomes gray and anxious… even if the memories were once perfectly happy and the plans were once exciting and vibrant.
Whatever you do, it must be a part of a greater whole. Holistic treatment is key. Adjusting thought processes and habits, managing emotional responses, maintaining or improving your bodily health, speaking with professionals, taking on new hobbies and social engagements and personal responsibilities… all of these can help. All of these are hard to start.
Best of luck. Happy to talk more.
