After trying and failing to steal Eurovision last year, Israel came back with a plan to rig the competition at the second attempt, but outrageously it was foiled by Austria. Israel wanted to take Eurovision like it was a house owned by Palestinians, but Austria had the audacity to win Israel’s prize and it did not even resort to cheating. Truly, this is the worst thing Austria has done since it gave the world Hitler.

Eurovision seemed to be going so well when organisers hid the fact everyone hates Israel by replacing boos with AI-generated cheers. You know those divorced men who can’t get a girlfriend so they hire someone to be their date? It was kind’a like that. Israel paid for a fake audience so it didn’t look like a massive loser.

Obviously, a fake audience wasn’t going to be enough to win, but Israel had other tricks up its sleeve. It was supposed to keep the next part of its plan secret, but the people who brag about their war crimes on TikTok aren’t the brightest bunch. Israelis couldn’t help boasting of their heroic efforts which involved using multiple credit cards to vote hundreds of times in different countries. Israel has demanded an investigation into how Austria won, even though Israel cheated.