The chad Windows equivalent:

winget install Mozilla.Firefox

(Or something like that. If in doubt, winget search firefox and use the ID. Use Ctrl+Insert and Shift+Insert to copy and paste it in cmd or a different terminal)

Blaming teenage mental illness on social media feels to me like the boomers are trying to find a different scapegoat than all the factors caused by their own stupidity, greed and destruction of human habitat.

This. My preferred way of catching up to my favorite channels nowadays is watching their content on LibreTube with AdBlock and SponsorBlock on and supporting them on Patreon if they have one.

I’m embarrassed that I never thought of this. Sure enough, my library lends both e-books and audiobooks. It’s limited to 2-3 per month, but that’s more than I need anyway

This isn’t exactly what you asked for and might not even work, but look up xManager. It lets you install a modded version of Shittify with premium features on free accounts – maybe this limitation is something they also modded away?