I note that in the comments you acknowledge that point #1 doesn’t exist.
I had a similar set of criteria to you. I settled on the Epson Ecotank. No complaints so far. It has wifi but I never turned that on, I connect it to my (linux) laptop with a USB cable.
Some printers are programmed to stop working after a certain number of prints. I hope this isn’t one of them.
I share your frustration with printer hell. I don’t use the wifi on the Epson Ecotank.
Previously I owned a Canon Pixma, a pre tank version. It worked great for several years, then one day it stopped working. I eventually established that the problem was that the machine was programmed to fail after a finite number of prints. It’s criminal that they prevent you from maintaining their hardware.