I know this sub isn’t very active, but I don’t have accounts anywhere else, so here goes . . .

I don’t want to get into details right now, but my wife has made me promise to divorce her if I ever drink again . . . my heart is broken for the pain I have caused her to get us to this point.

I feel so stupid that this isn’t the first time I’ve been here, either. I feel so stupid saying “this time it’s for real,” because we all know what to expect when an alcoholic says that :(

In terms of quantity, I’ve actually been drinking much less the past few years, but I think the infrequency might even be making my “mistakes” even worse when they happen :( So I don’t have the excuse of infrequency. I can truly never drink again, and I’m so afraid I’m going to mess it up. I have CPTSD with terrible emotional flashbacks, and I’m afraid I’ll lose control during one of them and ruin my marriage once and for all :(

So this is me, I’m here to join the stopdrinking community. Any encouragement, stories or advice you can give would be most welcome. Thank you.

Edit: Wow, thank you for the outpouring of support! I can’t reply to all of your comments, but know that I’ve read and treasure them!

  • jpreston2005@lemmy.worldEnglish
    1·
    8 days ago

    Posting here is a great first step. AA meetings can be intimidating at first, but if you’re ever white knuckling it, they can be a godsend.

    I try to look at my drinking this way, I just can’t anymore. Much like how I can’t breathe underwater, I can’t drink alcohol. My life is no lesser for it, in fact, it’s far better than I ever could have achieved if I had kept drinking.

    I remember when I quit… I was thinking about string theory, and how there are different timelines of my life which deviate based on my decision making. I thought that, surely, if there was a timeline in which everything in my life went to shit, I lost my marriage, my will to aspire, my everything, surely that would be the timeline in which I kept drinking.

    So I decided to explore a different timeline. In this one I’m healthier than I’ve ever been, with money in the bank, and dreams I’m reaching out to.

    You can do it too. ❤️‍

    P.S. I also have CPTSD, and quitting drinking was essential in my path to facing it. It was only when I got sober that I could confront my past, and move beyond it. When I was an active alcoholic, I was using alcohol to run from my demons, but when I stopped and faced them, my symptoms let up immensely.