While I’m extremely envious of you, if I had the opportunity to choose one superpower, there are probably a million others I’d choose before that one haha
like a superpower that gives me exactly as much money as I need at any given moment anytime I need it.
Yes I swear both ends are blocked off until I look straight at it with both my eyes to unlock it.
I know it’s not real because videos don’t show up with a play button like that in my app
When you start relating with a taxidermied synthetic felt rodent, it might be time to reevaluate your everything.
Okay, but isn’t “tough” pronounced “tuff?”
ooh yeah I am a woman and thankfully I don’t drink alcohol ever, and if I did I could see how my mouth would get very ascerbic. I have so many bitter, cutting, scathing opinions about people, and I learn to keep them to myself, but if I ever had alcohol, I’m pretty sure I would let it all go and probably would have been murdered in a bar a long time ago
Do they not dot their i’s in calligraphy?
If I travel to Mars to save money on fuel, am I really saving money? 🤔 Might as well relocate.
okay but for serious Easter egg hunters, we’re gonna need a belt that can hold like 30 of them. like a grenade holding belt. But for Easter eggs, y’know
Are ya winnin’, Bitch Nugget? C’mere so I can kick your ass before I fuck yer mom.
for all the zillions of shipping containers floating around the world 24/7/365, statistically expected there will be a few mishaps.
Are they gonna eat all that? The whole table is covered in shrubbery & candles
It’s a time-tested hack though. We do spray chloraseptic down our throats to make cocks easier to handle
Why closet sad? It’s not like we don’t still need closets to keep our clothes in.
You can’t slide trombone anything past me. I noticed it right away.
One tube of toothpaste lasts me 14 months. I’m not joking. I started a new one January 2023 and It just ran out at the beginning of March 2024.
because you know how the instructions on the tube say that small children only need a “pea-sized” amount of toothpaste? well the same is true for adults.
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Hey you guys I just had an amazing thought, wouldn’t it be amazing if he just sort of accidentally dropped dead of natural causes or whatever so we could be relieved of all this nonsense? And Biden too…
seriously, imagine what a huge relief that would be.
of course politics would just replace them with some other yahoos up there but can we just move on already…