- 31 Posts
- 40 Comments
MyNamesTotallyRobert@lemmynsfw.comOPto Shitty Ask Hilarious Chaos @hilariouschaos.com•What are your state's local laws around butt sniffing and what are you doing to change it?English2·21 hours agoWow that’s fucking bullshit. I hope you don’t live in Florida. Florida is the only state where their elections are openly rigged (this part sadly isn’t a joke look up their laws around ballot initiatives). At least the other red states actually bother to pretend like they have fair elections.
If I want to sniff a woman’s butthole it should be my own damn business. In fact, I HAD a butt sniffing business of my own but then the US Federal government wanted in on it (government officials and law enforcement officers were the majority of my customer base) which meant my business was mandated to become a “drug free workplace” so I sold my business to a homeless crack addict but not before selling all the printer ink on eBay (which i used to buy weed)
MyNamesTotallyRobert@lemmynsfw.comto Shitty Ask Hilarious Chaos @hilariouschaos.com•What is a Bruncle ?English1·2 days agoit’s something really bad. the type of thing that will ruin your day if you find out what it is. It’s like if 2 girls 1 cup and goatse had a baby. I don’t even know what it its because it’s so bad. Just don’t. You have so much to live for.
MyNamesTotallyRobert@lemmynsfw.comto Shitty Ask Hilarious Chaos @hilariouschaos.com•What is the worst possible sign that anyone could ever read in a public restroom?English21·2 days agoWhenever I see a sign saying to not flush anything down the toilet. Should I maliciously comply by instead shitting all over the toilet, the sink, the faucet and maybe the door handle just for good measure? Technically I didn’t flush anything down the toilet and therefore I obeyed the sign.
Or, should I say “fuck the rules” and take a shit and then cum on the shit and then wipe with plenty of toilet paper that I toss into the toilet, then pee on top of it AND THEN flush? Or should I ALSO sneak across the hallway, pants still down around my ankles into the womens’ restroom, steal an aborted fetus[1] or two out of the trash can, and pile all that onto the mound that is by this point higher than the toilet seat? Maybe while I’m at it I’ll sift through the trash for some used condoms to throw on there too.
[1] its hard to flush fetuses down the toilet. most first time beginners just use the trash can so there’s bound to be one or two if I search the trash cans after hours
MyNamesTotallyRobert@lemmynsfw.comto Shitty Ask Hilarious Chaos @hilariouschaos.com•How do you fuck a robot?English1·2 days agoRobots are usually around a 0.1/10 fuck. There’s virtually no way you’d ever be in a situation where you’d have dick-access to one of those feminine super futuristic androids without first having to pass every drug test there is, every background check there is and like 100 different polygraph tests where they ask if you’re going to fuck the androids. Believe me, I’ve tried.
So that leaves shitty unsexy stuff like cnc machines, rc planes, rock crushers, lego robotics, and all kinds of unsexy bullshit. How the fuck do you fuck a quadcopter? Cum all over its blades? Have fun rubbing that one out, it’ll take forever. No curves or sexy holes or anything.
Honestly just fuck a couch cushion or something instead. Maybe some day drone manufactures will start at least making them with retractable buttholes.
MyNamesTotallyRobert@lemmynsfw.comto Shitty Ask Hilarious Chaos @hilariouschaos.com•Why do people always blame me for farts?English2·2 days agoI fucking hate fart culture. You’re expected to just always hold in all your farts at all times. That can’t be healthy. How are you supposed to know if you’re about to shit your pants or if you just need to fart?
I know the drill - it’s no farting within 500ft of a woman. Literally 1984. So many times I have taken a trip to the bathroom to take a huge dump only to end up filling the toilet bowl with fart gas and nothing else. And if you don’t go through all this bullshit you get labeled, known and usually publicly shamed as a “known farter”.
And I don’t want to smell anyone’s farts besides mine either so stop farting in my fucking face just because I fart in the office sometimes. Sheesh. Fucking neurotypicals and their idiotic cult bullshit they all brainwash each other into believing in.
I farted 4 times while typing this and no I didn’t wipe.
People always cry “communism bad” when anyone suggests anything having to do with any type of reform. Communism is shit and all but there’s only one thing worse than communism: feudalism. You have to be subservient on someone more successful than you because all the prices and job wages are fixed in order to force this on as many people as possible. This can be in the form of joining the armed forces just for the guaranteed housing and healthcare, continuing to go to college and racking up endless debt just because it allows you to survive for a little longer, or living on your maga cousin’s farm so you can do farm work in exchange for being allowed to live there for a price you can afford. It’s literal feudalism.
Fuck all the idiots that have been brainwashed into fighting to “conserve” how awful and broken everything is. I have skills. I have a college education. I haven’t ever been employed in anything besides fast food or retail. Corporations are too busy running the entire economy into the ground because it makes the stock go up to care about saving the economy or human rights.
If I could start over I would’ve spent all the money I spent on college instead buying a plot of land to legally be “homeless” on and maybe bought an rv. Unlike owning a home or living in apartment, it may be possible to keep costs of living low enough this way to be sustainable. Seems to be the last method of living they haven’t colluded and price fixed to the point where no matter what, the costs of living are higher than jobs that are possible to actually get and keep, for now at least. Just wait until the “right” of land ownership is tied to proof of religion, neurotypical status or a thc drug test, I’m sure no one will even bother to fight back.
MyNamesTotallyRobert@lemmynsfw.comto linuxmemes@lemmy.world•This happened to me at least 3 times.1·5 days agoLXDE sucks ass because no one has ever figured out how to mod a search bar into the start menu.
please for the love of fuck can someone please mod a search bar into LXDE.
MyNamesTotallyRobert@lemmynsfw.comto linuxmemes@lemmy.world•😳 tfw you find out your literal window runs linux2·5 days agotechnically, the command line on modern computers runs in graphics mode and not text mode anyway. It ends up being more efficient to do this because of fonts and font sizes and multiple colors and whatnot. It’s been like this for at least the past 20 years. So the ctrl+alt+f1 screen is still a gui.
MyNamesTotallyRobert@lemmynsfw.comto No Stupid Questions@lemmy.world•Is it normal to be 29 and have a comfort character who I talk to on character AI?21·5 days agoI would say yes. Personally it is kind of against everything I stand for to pay a corporation for ai. With that being said: the only reason I personally have not yet set up a completely ai-driven self-hosted lan forum or lemmy instance meant to simulate the Old Skool ™ days of the internet is because a) none of the forum software has an api that’s worth a damn (phpbb for example. gnusocial is also lame and stupid and impossible to work with) and b) lemmy instances are actually pretty difficult to both set up and get ai bots to operate with.
I could definitely hack up some diy python-bottles or django thingy in less effort than it would take to actually pull off any of those other approaches but I currently have marginally better things to do with my free time so it will have to wait.
If I ever finish the mountain of “more important” personal projects I have then I probably would eventually get a completely fake self-hosted self-made ai social media hackfuck.
MyNamesTotallyRobert@lemmynsfw.comto Lemmy Shitpost@lemmy.world•He would have been a better choice as new Pope4·5 days agoYou’d have to be a fucking idiot to support Trump while being PUBLICLY known as someone that uses marijuana. Once The Party has all the transgenders either killed or in concentration camps, marijuana users will likely be next. This isn’t just stupid this is advanced stupid.
MyNamesTotallyRobert@lemmynsfw.comOPto Shitty Ask Hilarious Chaos @hilariouschaos.com•If a woman is sucking my dick does that mean she likes me?English1·5 days agoEverything I post on here is 100% true. Even that 18 part saga about accidentally getting my dick stuck in my step dog’s cousin’s mom I ran on reddit like 12 years ago was 100% true. Trust me bro. In 1492 George Washington discovered the moon and he didn’t do it so random losers could post lies on the internet bro.
MyNamesTotallyRobert@lemmynsfw.comto Shitty Ask Hilarious Chaos @hilariouschaos.com•Is it pronounced gif or gif?English1·5 days agoits gif. I’m not going to fucking call it jif. The guy who invented gifs can go fuck himself. The world would be a better place if gifs were never invented.
People need to stop fucking uploading all the 1 minute long porn videos as 1267mb gifs with shitty color when it could instead be a 273kb mp4. Use literally anything else besides gif. Gifs are a mental illness. Get help.
MyNamesTotallyRobert@lemmynsfw.comOPto Shitty Ask Hilarious Chaos @hilariouschaos.com•What are you planning on using to replace toilet paper when tariffs and hyperinflation make toilet paper unobtainable by common folk?English1·5 days agoHave you ever tried wiping your ass with leaves? It doesn’t really work. The shit doesn’t stick to the leaf and it just breaks and you’re left with poo finger and an itchy ass. Corn cobs kind of work, or at least better than single-molecule thick workplace toilet paper but in a regime where living-wage employment is pure fantasy I doubt there’s going to be a lot food.
MyNamesTotallyRobert@lemmynsfw.comto linuxmemes@lemmy.world•Who needs stable, feature-rich desktops anyway3·8 days agoI think it only works if you’re either an absolute KDE config file genius hacker or your distro’s repository has actually good default configs and setup. Installing KDE on arch always works well for me but every time I’ve tried it on Ubuntu I just get an unusable mess. One time I had it such that I had to retype my password all the fucking time to “unlock the keychain” and then the stupid update window would ALWAYS show up during the worst possible time with impeccable timing.
MyNamesTotallyRobert@lemmynsfw.comOPto Shitty Ask Hilarious Chaos @hilariouschaos.com•If your dog poops outside, do you register that dog turd with the FAA for that fraction of a second the turd is airborne as it falls from the dog's anus to the ground?English1·8 days agoI have a scale, cctv cameras and an ai that notifies me every time it catches anything pooping on camera.
MyNamesTotallyRobert@lemmynsfw.comOPto Shitty Ask Hilarious Chaos @hilariouschaos.com•What are you planning on using to replace toilet paper when tariffs and hyperinflation make toilet paper unobtainable by common folk?English2·8 days agoyeah but does this really cancel out the need for toilet paper? What about the dingleberries that bead up when you spray the caked-on shit with water? I hate having a butthole. If I had 3 wishes i’d spend them on this: 1. i wish i didn’t have to poop. 2. I wish pooping and poop wasn’t a thing. 3. i wish it to be impossible for anyone who ever finds another wish-granting geenie to wish pooping back into existence.
Cum will WIN.
MyNamesTotallyRobert@lemmynsfw.comOPto Shitty Ask Hilarious Chaos @hilariouschaos.com•What are you planning on using to replace toilet paper when tariffs and hyperinflation make toilet paper unobtainable by common folk?English11·8 days agoThis only works if you keep your butthole clean-shaven without so much as a little bit of anus-stubble. Otherwise the turds just bead up into dingleberries. Having a clean ass without participating in neofeudalism (it’s not even real capitalism anymore, fuck me) requires a little more effort than putting your ass in the shower after each shit.
Survival books suggest using cloth rags and just letting them stain, cleaning them the best you can and only using them for ass wiping but surely there is a better solution than that.
I’m planning on using femboy cum. Maybe covering the shit in a layer of cum will keep it from stinking. Since CUM WINS.
MyNamesTotallyRobert@lemmynsfw.comOPto Shitty Ask Hilarious Chaos @hilariouschaos.com•Is it better to cum in the urinal or in a regular toilet stall?English2·9 days agoI poop in the sink. There isn’t normally room.
MyNamesTotallyRobert@lemmynsfw.comOPto Shitty Ask Hilarious Chaos @hilariouschaos.com•If your dog poops outside, do you register that dog turd with the FAA for that fraction of a second the turd is airborne as it falls from the dog's anus to the ground?English1·9 days agoidk, the area where my dog poops is between 497ft and 523ft above sea level. Maybe I should plant a bright orange flag on every dog turd just to be safe. I know from watching youtube that airplanes don’t do anything besides crash all the time, I don’t want to be held liable.
I mean, his enablers are just as guilty. The entire christofascist movement would have had a hard time getting anywhere if it weren’t for a few key corporations providing the services and technological development required to enforce or at least facilitate the enforcement of this ideology. I am being intentionally vague here.
All I know is that I go out of my way to discriminate against and fuck over people who support things that fuck me over.