To quote the Onion themselves:
No price would be too high for such a cornucopia of malleable assets and minds. And yet, in a stroke of good fortune, a formidable special interest group has outwitted the hapless owner of InfoWars (a forgettable man with an already-forgotten name) and forced him to sell it at a steep bargain: less than one trillion dollars.
“Guess what! I’ve named a boil on my ass after you. It, too, bothers me every time I sit down.”
-Gheed, Diablo 2.